What are you lookin for 你的回答是否太过俗套?

What are you looking for?

认识初期,不管有没有见过面,当对方抛给你这个问题时,你会怎么回答?


多数妹子是一本正经的从问题本身出发,用一些毫无实质信息的词堆砌出答案。

I'm looking for someone who is kind, intelligent, humorous… 

I’m looking for someone I can have a good time with.

…...


我说一些其他的回答思路,算是抛砖引玉吧。


第一种,偷换概念。

1. I have always been a snowboard girl, but just a while ago I switched my attention to ski. I’m looking for someone who loves outdoor sports. It would be great if he’s a ski “master”. Maybe I could get a free lesson or two.

这里你不用担心如果对方不会ski咋办。(只有乖乖女才会担心这个。)

你回答的内容本身已经证明你和绝大多数回复这个问题的女人不一样了。他对你的好奇度会立刻上升。我们要的是他对你的好奇。要的是他想了解你更多的欲望。

和预期的判断不一样就会引起他的好奇。


2. Well, I recently discovered a new type of candy which I like very much. I’m devouring it now. I’m looking for someone who has a sweet tooth just like me…or at the least enjoys watching me enjoy sweets. 

我zui近发现一款特别好吃的糖,我现在正在吃呢。我想找一个也爱吃甜食的男人。(实话说,很难找。男人很少有爱吃甜食的。不过这并不重要。)就算他不喜欢,至少也要喜欢看我吃糖。

这么表述是不是还蛮傲娇调皮的?


What are you looking for是一个很空泛的问题。在上述两个例子里,我把这个问题缩窄到了一个具体问题上。


如果是面对面约会,除了上述回答方式外,你还可以“就近”、“当场”找线索。

他在问你这个问题时,你在看菜单。I’m overwhelmed by the choices on the menu. Besides the waiter, I’m looking for someone who could tell me which entree I should order for maximum stomach satisfaction. You got any idea?

总是中规中矩的回答问题好无趣啊。时不时的走走调皮路线不香吗?

(这是一个客人妹妹的真实案例。她被问到时一脸懵,不明白对方咋就突然问起这个问题了。她当时随便说了几句糊弄了过去。)


换个场景。换两个我经常在咨询中听到的第 一次见面的场景。

1. 和对方逛小公园。你俩边走边聊,他问What are you looking for? 你稍作停顿,There are times when you experience something wonderful, be it grand or simple, you have this urge to share it with one special person. You see, life is meant to be shared. Intimacy is about emotional sharing. I’m looking for that special person.

在公园散步,周边环境祥和宁静,这么表达很应景嘛。


吃糖和公园散步的例子都采用了图像说服的表法方式。吃糖例子中,相比于干巴巴的直接说“我想找个宠溺我的男人”,我给出的表达方式更加生动形象。对方听到/看到这话时脑子里会立刻浮现出相应的画面来。至于公园散步时说的那番话,谁都有过将自己的所见所闻第 一时间分享给在意的人的经历。我想每个人都记得当时的感受吧。所以,当我跟约会的男人提起时,他瞬间就能进入那个情绪场。

这类表达我之前写过很多次了。我在咨询中经常听到的一类抱怨是,和男人聊天聊的很干,聊不下去。很多时候不是因为你们之间没有话题聊,而是你对于所有话题的切入方式都太过predictable, 引不起对方和你聊更多的兴致。


2. 在街边喝咖啡。对方问你What are you looking for? 假设在你们的视线范围内你看到了一个很温馨、很有趣或是很恶搞的景象,你先给对方示个意,在确保他知道你在说什么的情况下,回复道,You see that? It’s cute/sweet/funny/entertaining, right? I wanted to take a pic and send to someone and say “thought you might like it.” Yup, I’m looking for that “someone”.


第二种,直接走“男人思维”。

I don’t believe in looking for a certain type. I’m more of a go-with-the-flow kinda gal. I like to be surprised and amazed.


第三种,把追光灯打到对方身上。

Instead of answering the question, may I take this opportunity to tell you what in your profile caught my eye?或者...to tell you what I like about you…so far?


第四种,纯撩拨。

Do you want a boring answer or an exciting one? 说完要等对方的回复。

你的回复可以是,The boring one is I’m looking for someone who is kind, intelligent, blabla. (boring indeed)

The exciting one is I’m looking for you.


除了上面这些思路,你还可以直接反问他,问他想找啥样的。大概率情况下他也说不出个花来。不管他怎么说,你听听就行了,别当真。


Dating app上还容易被问到的一类问题有How long have you been on this site? How do you like it here? What’s your experience? 这类问题的回答思路和上面的差不多。多动动脑子,你可以想出很多有意思的回答来。

- How long have you been on this site?(假设你俩在cmb上认识的)

- Long enough to say I prefer its previous logo. 

Be creative and have fun~

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